In October 2015 I was honored to get invited to my step daughters wedding in Fiji. It was a beautiful, amazing few days that we spent together. On her wedding day, I took a few photographs to capture the moment, two of which I placed a copyright watermark. This one small act has led to a four year rift between my step-daughter, her husband and I and led to my husband and I separating for around six weeks. The fallout was emotionally charged and involved various family members.
Here is the explanation for why I did it. I have been lucky enough to have had photographs of mine professionally published and I have also seen how people use photographs for reasons that I don’t agree with; be it for their own credit or to make a stance that I disagree on. The photographs I chose to place a copyright on were generic Fiji/Island wedding photographs that in my opinion belonged in a magazine. By placing a copyright on them I was making it harder for the image to be published without consent (not just of myself but my step daughter and her husband). Imagine for example an article with the subject “10 reasons why not to get married in Fiji” and the image being used - going completely against the views of the married couple. A copyright allows the photographer (and the subjects) to have more say on where the image is republished.
So imagine my surprise when I awoke to see one of the copyrighted images reposted by my step daughter on social media with the watermark cropped off. I sought to seek the reasons why and to explain my reasoning. But sadly there was no room for reason. I was viciously attacked verbally by my step daughter, and my husband took her view. I found myself feeling extremely vulnerable, judged and alone. My best of intentions were seen as wrong and there was no room for grey thinking - the issue had divided us. I was told by my step daughter and my husband that I shouldn’t have copyrighted the images - that is their opinion - it’s not right or wrong - it’s just their point of view. Given the emotionally charged response from my step daughter, perhaps I shouldn’t have bothered about protecting the image from being used against her will - but that’s hindsight for you. I don’t see the issue as being right or wrong anymore - it is the fallout and using this consistently as an excuse by my step daughter and her husband to no longer have anything to do with me, that has become the greater issue.
I don’t hold on to anger and grudges long - this is a trait of my family. We have all been taught the beauty of forgiveness and the magic of the word sorry. It is something I love and respect in my family. We value one another too much in order to allow issues to tear us apart - and we have many reasons to be torn (more so than an argument over a copyrighted image). Forgiveness allows us to move on, move forward and enjoy the multitude of opportunities life brings, to their fullest. Forgiveness allows us to let go of hate and anger, giving our soul peace and our spirit joy. Forgiveness allows healing to take place in the mind and in the body also. As a result I have written occasionally, without response or to negative responses, to my step daughter asking her whenever I am in Melbourne, Australia (I have spent most of my time in Perth and Dubai since 2015) whether she would like to catch up or if she is at a point to forgive. The answer (even when there isn’t one, is clearly and obviously no).
Forgiveness is not something my step daughter or her husband are focused on. In fact, this issue has now impacted the relationship they have with my husband, who has now had enough of the standoff.
Truth be told, I am disappointed that she is making this decision. It is self righteous, self centered and absolutely ridiculous. To make this one incident drag on this long and to have such an impact, is totally despicable and almost unforgivable. Four years! She has forgotten her verbal attack and the fact that she too played a role in the fallout, and if anything, she should be seeking our forgiveness. But she is too arrogant, immature and disrespectful to see this. I am not sure if this will be recoverable. I have hope but not a lot of faith.
And I recognize the role I played. She didn’t deliberately drop off the copyright watermark. I hadn’t realized that Instagram often crops the original image. I also had an underlying desire to be recognized as the photographer, to be appreciated and respected, which played out when I posted a comment underneath the image stating that it was copyrighted and for others to please seek approval to reuse. This comment was deleted and our private conversations escalated to the point that I requested her to use an alternative image or the image in its entirety with the copyright included. She didn’t want to do either and in the end the agreement was to delete all the photos I took of the wedding from social media from my and her pages. This was done immediately from Facebook, but a week later I found the image still up on her Instagram page. It has been the lack of respect now that I have found myself fighting against.
Since she broke her relationship off with her father, she has since used the image I took without the copyright watermark as what I can only perceive as an act of defiance. I laughed when I saw first it, but underneath is the hurt of constantly being disrespected by someone who will consistently be in my life.
It is due time to move on and allow forgiveness in. Time will tell how long this will take (and hopefully heal).
PS - There is no need to ask permission for use of this photograph - the matter is now dead in the water and I'm moving on ... and healing.